I think everyone has what could be called an “inner critic”. It’s that Jiminy Cricket voice inside of you often giving you a running commentary on how you’re doing. Perhaps it sometimes says you’ve done a great job. But quite often a person’s inner critic is pretty harsh. Left to run rampant an inner critic can destroy self-confidence and self-esteem. It can cause doubt, shame, and feelings of worthlessness.
If you’re a person who’s inner critic is very weak, then I suggest you tune out from this sermon. Pull out your phone, put your earbuds in, and watch something on YouTube until the sermon is over. (There’s also the possibility that if you have no inner critic that you are a sociopath, and in that case you won’t get anything out of the sermon anyway!)
For most of us whose inner critic is alive, and perhaps all too well, our gospel reading is probably a gut punch. What is this, “hating father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself…”? Where is the Jesus of love and radical forgiveness? Where is, “my yoke is easy and my burden is light”? This is God, our creator, talking to us about making life miserable?!? Perhaps Jesus is the sociopath!
I think commentator Joel Green gets at the heart of the matter in the New International Commentary on the New Testament when he says, “…the distinctive property of disciples is the abandonment with which they put aside all competing securities in order that they might refashion their lives and identity according to the norms of the kingdom of God.” (Pg. 567) That’s certainly a mouth full, but I think “put aside all competing securities” nails the situation firmly.
I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but as I continue to study and learn the scriptures I am finding more and more strongly that Christianity has misunderstood the Bible since the time of St. Augustine in the 4th Century. Augustine interpreted scripture as if it was about guilt. In truth it was about shame. Guilt is feeling that you’ve done something bad. Shame is feeling that who you are is bad. Shame is a much deeper and much more powerful feeling. Shame is a feeling that all humans feel regardless of culture.
I’m finding that I’m not alone in recognizing St. Augustine’s mistake. More and more scholars are on the same path. And if Augustine was wrong, then our whole understanding of: original sin, sex, guilt, and what is called ‘atonement theory’ is all seriously warped. I won’t go so far as to call any of it wrong, but definitely warped.
Feelings of shame are a fundamental driving force of all human culture. It lurks largely undetected behind many of the decisions we make. In the Adam and Eve story, just three chapters into the Bible, what is the first feeling recorded about humans? They are not ashamed before they eat the fruit. But they definitely are afterward.
It seems that most humans, from perhaps age 2 and upward, are in a constant quest to feel like who they are is enough. We want approval. We want acceptance. We want to feel like we belong. We don’t just want to fit in, for that is a shallow feeling. No, we want to feel like we belong. And we will do almost anything to feel that.
We know we can’t please everyone, but we do aim to please some key people. They’re usually our parents, perhaps some close friends, maybe a boss or co-workers. We want to belong. We want to feel whole. When we don’t, that’s a manifestation of shame. And many people, perhaps most people, have an inner critic that is constantly causing anxiety about belonging.
You judge yourself for each and every failing.
You tell yourself you’re not good enough.
You tell yourself that if people knew the truth about you they wouldn’t accept you.
And your inner critic looks at the world around you and is sure and certain that most of the people you interact with really and truly do have their lives together. You, however, do not. You are alone and a mess up.
Now, shame does not manifest itself in straightforward ways. Certainly lots of things we feel that are rooted in shame we wouldn’t describe as shame, but it is all there.
As a man, I can’t speak to the central dynamics of shame in women, but as I look around at men, I see an awful lot of ‘tough guy’ acts out there as men seek to prove themselves. That doesn’t just go for young guys being idiots trying to prove themselves. It goes for men of all ages and ways of life. They are by no means rare, but what I would call an ‘authentically grounded man’ is not the norm. This is a guy who is solid in who he is. He has no need to prove himself. He can win or lose with grace. He will not seek conflict, but will fight if necessary. He embraces his masculine strength and power and uses it for the betterment of the community. Such men do indeed have shame dynamics at work within them, but they have channeled it in a healthy way.
So, here’s a statement of reality. Most people live with an inner critic telling them they aren’t good enough, or they need to do (or be) better. And they seek approval for who they are from the people around them. The problem is, everyone else is doing the same thing! It is as if we’re all playing the game of overcoming shame, everyone seeking approval.
Yes, people think they have achieved belonging through status or possessions, but these things do not ultimately endure. Jesus says do not put your treasure – or perhaps your self-worth – in earthly things where thieves break in and moths and rust consume.
Where does our solid and eternal worth lie? Back to the story of Adam and Eve. They lie with God.
Joel Green used the phrase, “put aside all competing securities.” It is a fundamental piece of human development that we look to our parents as our first source of self-worth. As we age we look to others too: friends, colleagues, bosses, neighbors, a spouse. All of these things can be deeply good. And yet they can become competing securities.
Jesus is saying that if you want to truly follow him, if you want to truly be a free and full disciple, you cannot allow the global human shame and approval game to dictate your life. If you want to truly be free and full then you’ve got to root yourself in God’s security.
Jesus is using exaggerated language when he talks about hating father and mother, etc. But he does want his would-be followers to recognize just how significant it is to not be wrapped up in human approval. We saw this earlier when we read the story of Mary and Martha. Martha put her self-worth in fulfilling the gender expectations of women. Mary took the bold and daring approach of putting her self-worth in Jesus.
What does half-hearted discipleship look like? What is it like when people commit to Jesus, but only if it also fits with social expectations of other people also wrapped up in shame? It is like salt that’s lost its saltiness.
Such a thing is impossible of course, but in the region in which Jesus lived there were rock formations that were salty, but it was possible for the salt to be leached away; thus leaving worthless rock that was fit for nothing.
Jesus isn’t being mean in any of this. He’s just stating reality.
It would be great if I could conclude by giving you a formula for freedom from shame and perfect discipleship. But no such formula exists. Instead, it is a daily journey for Jesus’ disciples. Some days we may succeed. Other days we may fail. When we succeed give thanks to God. When we fail do not let the inner critic have too much of a say. The power of forgiveness is not about forgiving your guilt – the bad stuff you do. The power of forgiveness is freeing you from shame – reminding you that who you are is indeed enough. You are God’s child. Forever. Well made. Solid. Good. The world will tell you otherwise, but the world’s perspective is flawed.
Through the cross of Christ we learn just how far God will go to combat shame. God wants to, and will, free is to the fullness of life God always meant for us to have.
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